Can I get a divorce under Unreasonable Behaviour?

There is one sole ground for Divorce in Singapore: that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. However, you “cannot simply claim” the irretrievable breakdown of your marriage.

There are facts that you can rely on to show the irretrievable breakdown of your marriage. One of them is Unreasonable Behaviour. In this article, we go through several scenarios and examples of Unreasonable Behaviour that may (or may not) apply to you, and can be used as grounds for divorce in Singapore.

What is Unreasonable Behaviour?

Unreasonable behaviour occurs when one spouse has behaved in such a way that the other spouse cannot reasonably be expected to live with him or her anymore. Therefore showing the irretrievable breakdown of marriage for the court to consider granting a divorce that is based on unreasonable behaviour.

Here are some scenarios for you to consider.

Scenario 1: My husband has a drug/alcohol/gambling addiction. I want a divorce. Can I rely on Unreasonable Behaviour?

Your husband has a substance abuse, alcohol or gambling addiction. He would often take your money to feed his habits. It has gotten to the point that your spouse is constantly verbally abusive when you question him. You worry that one day it may escalate and have a cumulative effect where he starts to become violent or becomes friends with the wrong people.

You want a divorce and to rely on Unreasonable Behaviour.

So Can You?

You most certainly can.

Such behaviour is clear signs of your spouse’s behaviour as being unreasonable. No one should be expected to tolerate such behaviour in a marriage. You can rely on things such as bank statements showing large sums being drawn out, empty bottles lying around the house or even a video of your spouse being high and intoxicated as grounds for divorce in the Singapore Court.

When you are in fear for your life, not only should you file for a divorce, you should also take active steps to remove yourself from the situation or seek help.

I have enough evidence to prove Unreasonable Behaviour. What next?

Scenario 2: My wife is emotionally abusive. I want a divorce. Can I rely on Unreasonable Behaviour?

Your wife is emotionally abusive. She constantly scolds and belittles you. She likes to nit-pick on little things and escalate it into a big argument. For example, you would wash the dishes but she is never satisfied. She will shout at you and say that you are good for nothing, this can also amount to verbal abuse.

She also gets angry at you for going out with your friends. Additionally, she accuses you of having a mistress even when you take a picture of yourself with your friends.

You want a divorce and to rely on Unreasonable Behaviour.

So Can You?

Yes you can.

Any form of domestic violence or abuse is unreasonable. If you have a black eye or cuts and bruises in non-self inflicted places, go to the hospital and get yourself checked out so that your injuries may be substantiated in court and documented by a healthcare professional. It is also recommended to take pictures of any injuries that you have sustained. Take courage and file a police report! Or you can even obtain a personal protection order. A PPO is a Personal Protection Order in the Family Court to protect you or a family member against an abuser that is violent and voluntarily causing hurt upon you or your loved ones.

I have enough evidence to prove Unreasonable Behaviour. What next?

Scenario 3: My husband is physically abusive to my children. I want a divorce. Can I rely on Unreasonable Behaviour?

Your husband is often physically abusive to both your children and you. He often beats your children with the excuse that they are misbehaving. However, he has beaten them so badly that you fear for their life.

You want a divorce and to rely on Unreasonable Behaviour.

So Can You?

Yes you can.

Any form of domestic violence or abuse, regardless of whether it is directed at you or your family members, will count as unreasonable behaviour in Singapore. You should remove your children and yourself from the situation immediately. Again, it would be recommended that you go to the hospital and get your children checked out so that their injuries may be substantiated in court and documented by a healthcare professional.

Similar to the above, you can obtain a Personal Protection Order. A PPO is a protection order in the Family Court to protect you or your family members against an abuser that is violent and voluntarily causing hurt upon you or children, it might also help you in getting sole child custody from the court. Children are innocent. Not only does such abuse hurt them physically and emotionally as well, but such a significant life event might more often than not also cause them long term mental illness because of their childhood traumas.

I have enough evidence to prove Unreasonable Behaviour. What next?

Scenario 4: My spouse refuses to have sex with me. I want a divorce. Can I rely on Unreasonable Behaviour?

You have been married to your spouse for many years. However, over the last few years, your spouse has little physical intimacy and refuses to have sex with you for a significant period.

You want a divorce and to rely on Unreasonable Behaviour.

So Can You?

Yes you can.

Such behaviour can be considered Unreasonable Behaviour in the Singapore Court.

I have enough evidence to prove Unreasonable Behaviour. What next?

Scenario 5: I suspect my husband has a mistress. I want a divorce. Can I rely on Unreasonable Behaviour?

You suspect that your husband has committed adultery but you are unsure if he had sex with her. He often goes out late or does not come home for days. He is often messaging someone and when you question him about it, he tells you to mind your own business. You want to rely on adultery but you do not have sufficient grounds to prove that your spouse has had sexual intercourse with her. You want to get a divorce and rely on Unreasonable Behaviour.

So Can You?

Yes you can.

As it is often difficult to prove Adultery, you may consider the alternative of unreasonable behaviour as grounds for divorce. However, you need to show that your spouse has an “improper association” with his mistress. To show this, you may have to consider hiring a private investigator to follow him. The private investigator will provide a video or photographic evidence showing your husband with his mistress in an intimate setting. Such evidence includes pictures of them kissing or a video of them holding hands or even a video of them walking into a hotel room together. You can also rely on flirtatious messages that you find on his phone, or even him going to many various dating apps on his phone to chat up girls, or phone sex or sexting with them.

I have enough evidence to prove Unreasonable Behaviour. What next?

Scenario 6: My spouse and I had a quarrel. I want a divorce. Can I rely on Unreasonable Behaviour?

You recently quarrelled with your spouse over the dishes. You are now unhappy.

You want a divorce and to rely on Unreasonable Behaviour.

So Can You?

No, you cannot.

A single argument about your spouse about not washing the dishes would not be considered unreasonable. It may be seen as a normal “wear and tear” of a marriage. However, if you and your spouse are always quarrelling, regardless of whether it is about the dishes or even the laundry, or other trivial matters, the court may find sufficient reason to grant the divorce.

Essentially, in assessing unreasonable behaviour in a divorce, it is a cumulative or combined effect of the quarrels that has made the behaviour unreasonable. The constant quarrels in your marriage have affected you so much that you find it intolerable. You may consider recording the quarrels to show how unreasonable your spouse has become and in turn causing your marriage to be irretrievably broken down.

Scenario 7: My husband does not financially support my children and me. I want a divorce. Can I rely on Unreasonable Behaviour?

Your husband and you have children in your marriage. Both you and your husband have a mutual agreement that you will be a stay at home mom and he will be the breadwinner and provide both child and spousal maintenance. In recent years, he has decided to reduce the amount of money you can spend on your children’s meals.

The amount is simply not enough to feed your children properly. He also refuses to give you any money to go out and enjoy yourself.

You want a divorce and to rely on Unreasonable Behaviour.

So Can You?

Yes you can.

A husband has a duty to maintain his children in the eyes of the Singapore law. He should ensure that his children are eating well and to not unreasonably deprive them, especially if he has the financial means.

A husband also has a duty to maintain his wife in a marriage, especially when you both have reached a mutual agreement initially that you will be a stay at home mom. He knows that you are financially reliant on him. By withholding any money from you, the court can find such behaviour as unreasonable.

When contemplating divorce, it is good practice to start keeping a record of how much your spouse contributes towards your children and you. Common examples can include receipts and bank statements. Even a text message of your spouse refusing to give money can be relied on.

I have enough evidence to prove Unreasonable Behaviour. What next?

Scenario 8: My spouse and I don’t speak to each other anymore. I want a divorce. Can I rely on Unreasonable Behaviour?

Your spouse and you have been married for many years. However, your spouse has stopped talking to you. You haven’t had a proper conversation in many years.

You want a divorce and to rely on Unreasonable Behaviour.

So Can You?

No, you cannot.

Lack of communication, finding that you are no longer compatible with your spouse or even just being bored of each other are not sufficient to be considered unreasonable behaviour.

For it to fall within unreasonable behaviour in Singapore, your spouse’s behaviour must affect you in such a manner that you find it intolerable to live with him or her anymore. If your spouse flat out refuses to talk to you despite your efforts, it may fall within unreasonable behaviour. You need to show that your spouse’s behaviour is simply unbearable and that the marriage is no longer working.

I have enough evidence of proving Unreasonable Behaviour.

What Do I Do Now?

Once you have determined that there is unreasonable behaviour, you should either move out or chase him or her out of the house. Some form of physical reaction has to take place.

Why?

To get a divorce based on unreasonable behaviour in Singapore, you need to also show that it is intolerable for you to live with your husband or wife.

So How?

It is best that upon determining that your husband or wife’s behaviour is unreasonable and you want to get a divorce citing unreasonable behaviour, you should either move out or chase your spouse out within 6 months. If you do not, the court is more than likely to find that you have accepted your spouse’s behaviour and find it tolerable.

For example,

Your husband has a gambling addiction. He stole your money and gambled it away. However, you did not leave him. One year later, you want to start the divorce process and commence divorce proceedings against him. You cannot rely on his gambling addiction as the court may think that you have accepted his addiction because you did not move out.

Conclusion

Unreasonable behaviour covers a multitude of behaviours. The above scenarios are examples of Unreasonable Behaviour that can be used as grounds for divorce in Singapore. There is simply no way to classify one scenario as being exactly the same as another scenario in a divorce. Ultimately, the court will consider both you and your spouse’s personality, faults, attitude and other attributes during the marriage under legal grounds. The main consideration is whether the behaviour affects you so much in such a way that you find it unbearable to live with your spouse.

Divorce proceedings can be emotionally stressful and time consuming. You should always consider whether the divorce can be resolved amicably. With your spouse’s consent, both you and your spouse seeking a divorce can pursue a Simplified Uncontested Divorce instead, which is less time consuming and more cost effective.

If you or your loved one is suffering from addiction, please seek help. You can check out such government organisations like the National Addiction Management Singapore (i.e. NAMS is subsidised by IMH).

If you or your loved one is suffering from abuse, please seek help. You can check out REACH Community Services or AWARE.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is considered Unreasonable Behaviour in a Singapore divorce?

Unreasonable Behaviour occurs when one spouse has behaved in such a way that the other spouse cannot reasonably be expected to live with them anymore. This can include physical or emotional abuse, addiction, infidelity, or persistent refusal of intimacy.

Can addiction be grounds for Unreasonable Behaviour in a divorce?

Yes, addiction to drugs, alcohol, or gambling can be grounds for Unreasonable Behaviour. If the addiction leads to financial strain, verbal abuse, or violence, it can be considered unreasonable and used as grounds for divorce.

Is emotional abuse considered Unreasonable Behaviour in Singapore?

Emotional abuse, such as constant belittling, controlling behaviour, or unfounded accusations, can be considered Unreasonable Behaviour. It must be shown that the behaviour makes it intolerable for the spouse to continue living with the abuser.

Can refusal of intimacy be grounds for Unreasonable Behaviour?

Persistent refusal of physical intimacy or sex for a significant period can be considered Unreasonable Behaviour. However, it must be shown that this has had a substantial impact on the marriage.

How can I prove Unreasonable Behaviour for a divorce in Singapore?

Proof can include medical reports, police reports, witness statements, text messages, or recordings of abusive behaviour. For non-violent behaviours, a consistent pattern needs to be established through various forms of evidence.

Is a single argument sufficient to claim Unreasonable Behaviour?

A single argument is generally not sufficient to claim Unreasonable Behaviour. The court looks for a pattern of behaviour or cumulative effect that makes the marriage intolerable, rather than isolated incidents.

How soon should I act after experiencing Unreasonable Behaviour?

It's advisable to act within 6 months of the unreasonable behaviour occurring. If you continue living with your spouse for a long time after the behaviour, the court may consider that you've accepted it.

Can lack of financial support be considered Unreasonable Behaviour?

Yes, if a spouse who has the means deliberately withholds financial support for the family, especially for children's basic needs, it can be considered Unreasonable Behaviour. This is particularly relevant if there was a prior agreement about financial arrangements.