5 things you need to know before you get divorced

Depending on what you do at the early stages, Divorce in Singapore can get expensive and messy. Here are 5 things you should know to make the process clearer and easier for you.

Reason 1: You need a reason for divorce

What reason can you rely on to start the divorce process?

Adultery

Adultery is when a spouse has sexual intercourse with a third party.

One party would need to prove that the other has committed adultery and finds it intolerable to live together.

To prove adultery, you would need to show adulterous behaviour such as:

• One party has confessed to it.
• Direct evidence of it, such as video recordings or photographs.
• Birth of a child that is not yours.

You would also need to show that due to the adultery, you find it intolerable to live together. You must leave the household within 6 months of discovering the adulterous behaviour. If you do not leave the household, you would no longer be able to rely on the fact of adultery to show that your marriage has irretrievably broken down. In order to prove adultery, you can provide a written confession from the adulterous spouse or a private investigator’s report that proves adultery is likely to have occurred.

Unreasonable Behaviour

You would need to show that due to your spouse’s behaviour, it would be unreasonable for you to live with your spouse.

Such behaviour can include acts such as:

• Abuse

  Abuse can be both physical and emotional.

  Physical abuse can be acts such as hitting, punching, kicking, strangling or any such form of bodily harm towards you or your family members.

  Emotional abuse can be acts such as constantly scolding you or putting you down, controlling you or even gaslighting you.

  Such behaviour is not normal or acceptable.

  Seek help in such situations. You can approach your loved ones, or reach out to the National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline. Help is available, speak to someone today.

• Addictions

  Addictions can include gambling, alcohol, drugs, sex, and even excessive gaming.

  Reach out to your loved ones or National Addiction Management of Singapore (NAMS). NAMS is subsidised by the Institute of Mental Health (IMH).

• Other Types of Unreasonable Behaviour

  Examples of other types of Unreasonable Behaviour can include things such as your spouse constantly staying out late, refusing to answer your calls and texts, not helping to look after the children, or even refusing to listen to your needs but dismisses you instead. Any sort of such behaviour which affects you over time can, and will be taken into consideration in divorce cases.

  Other types of Unreasonable Behaviour can also include a lack of physical intimacy, domestic violence, and addiction to gambling or drugs. These actions can greatly impact a marriage and may be considered as grounds for divorce.

  Take a second, pause, and consider such behaviour. If you think it is affecting you so badly that you can no longer tolerate it anymore, it may be considered as unreasonable behaviour.

Ultimately, you must show that marriage is no longer possible.

Desertion

Desertion is the rejection of a marriage relationship where one spouse has abandoned the other. The spouse has rejected the marital relationship.

Physical desertion is the most obvious form where one party completely abandons the family and is no longer around.

However, bear in mind that living in separate rooms or living in separate houses does not count. For there to be desertion, there must be complete abandonment. It is like your marriage did not exist.

What exactly is Desertion?

Desertion means non-consensual separation, i.e. one spouse did not agree to the separation. In order for desertion to exist, the deserting spouse must “shatter the household”, or cease familial relationships.

The complete desertion must also be for a continuous period of 2 years or more. If there is a break in the period, you would need to restart the 2 years.

For example,

Your spouse has deserted you. One year after the desertion, your spouse decides to move back and you agree. This breaks the continuance period of desertion. If your spouse decides to desert you again, you would need to restart the calculation of the 2 year period.

Separation

• Separation for a continuous period of 3 years with consent

  Separation occurs when parties are no longer living together. It involves both physical separation and mental separation. That means parties wish to sever the marriage. There must be consent between both spouses. Separation occurs:

  (i) When your spouse moves out

  The most obvious form of physical separation is when one spouse moves out. Both you and your spouse are no longer living together.

For example,

You and your spouse no longer live with each other. You do not talk to each other unless it relates to matters such as your children’s welfare or maintenance of the household. Other than such necessary communications, you both live totally separate lives and are totally not in sync in any way with each other’s lives.

(ii) When you and your spouse still live under the same roof

There may be situations where it is impossible for a spouse to move out. It could be for reasons such as you wanting to be there for your children or not having enough money to move out.

Of course this is trickier since both parties live in the same house.

For example,

You and your spouse have decided to legally separate, but you want to continue being around for your children. Legal separation can occur when you and your spouse still live under the same roof, but no longer sleep in the same room. You have your own room. You do not cook or clean up for each other. Your finances are kept separate. You do not spend family time with each other. You are essentially housemates living separate lives in separate households.

To rely on this, the separation must be for a continuous period of 3 years.

You start calculating from the day you or your spouse moves out or sleeps in separate rooms.

❌ Scenario 1

If a phone call or text message is sent to the spouse and says “What time is our family dinner later?”, or “Do you need me to pick up dinner for you and the kids?”, or any other topics relating to the household that suggests the spouses are still in a familial relationship, then this may disrupt the period of 3 years.

✔️ Scenario 2

On the other hand, if a phone call or a text message is sent to the spouse and says “I am picking up my child tomorrow”. This is a clear and precise example that the spouse is not interested in the other spouse, and are both living two separate lives, but only communicate when it comes to the interest of the child.

To make the date of separation clear, you and your spouse can consider executing a Deed of Separation to formalise the separation.

• Separation for a continuous period of 4 years without consent

  Similar to above, separation under this fact is when parties are no longer living together. That means either one of you has moved out or that both you and your spouse are living under the same roof but with “2 households”.

  The difference here is that even though 3 years have passed, one of you still does not agree to a divorce. You will not be able to proceed with separation for a continuous period of 3 years as one of you does not agree to the divorce.

  Therefore, you need to wait 1 more year. The consent of your spouse will then be irrelevant. You may then commence divorce proceedings without the consent of your spouse.

To rely on this, the separation must be for a continuous period of 4 years.

Similar to separation of 3 years, any suggestion that you and your spouse are still in a familial relationship could disrupt the continuous period of 4 years.

It is important for you to ensure that there is no disruption so that you do not need to restart the calculation.

Reason 2: You need to know how your children should be looked after

If there are children to the marriage, you need to know who and how your children shall be looked after. When commencing divorce proceedings, the Court will always make decisions that are in the best interest of your children.

Here are 3 things to consider when it comes to your children: Custody, Care and Control, Access.

Custody

Custody includes major decisions of your children’s life such as: education, welfare and even religion.

The Court will often grant joint custody to both parents. This is a safeguard by the Court to ensure that the children will benefit from having both parents being involved in their lives.

In rare cases such as a parent being abusive or neglectful, the Court may then grant sole custody (meaning the parent with sole custody will make all decisions in respect of the child’s life).

Care and Control

Care and control relates to the day to day aspect of your childrens’ lives. For example, daily needs such as meals, extra-curricular sports and leisure time.

If your children live with you, you will be granted care and control of your children.

Access Rights

If your children are to live with your spouse, you should be granted access to them. That means you can see your children and spend quality time together. You and your spouse may decide that access shall be free and easy or based on a schedule.

Parents are encouraged to co-parent their children through effective and amicable communications. This is to ensure that the child will have the benefit of both parents.

Reason 3: You need to know how your matrimonial assets will be divided

Matrimonial assets are any assets which have been obtained during the course of your marriage, or have been substantially improved by your spouse and used and enjoyed by the family throughout your marriage.

For example,

1. A bank account which you opened during your marriage. This bank account would be considered a matrimonial asset.

2. A flat that you owned before your marriage, but was used as a matrimonial home. This flat would be considered a matrimonial asset.

3. Other common examples of matrimonial assets are the matrimonial home, bank accounts held in both names or in your sole name, savings, fixed deposits, investments, CPF monies, insurance policies, the family car, jewellery, cryptocurrency and even your golf membership.

All matrimonial assets are subject to division. Contrary to popular belief, your matrimonial assets are not automatically divided equally, i.e. 50%:50%.

Division of matrimonial assets are done in a just and equitable manner to ensure a fair distribution to each spouse. Some factors that the Court considers include the length of your marriage, the direct financial contributions of each spouse and the indirect contributions of each spouse such as who takes care of the children or cleans the house.

However, in certain extreme circumstances, an early divorce may be granted if there is enough evidence of exceptional hardship or cruelty from one spouse, with the spouse’s consent. It is important to discuss your case with a divorce lawyer in Singapore to understand the possibilities and implications.

Similarly, the Court will also consider the liabilities or debts of each spouse. Since assets are subject to division, so are liabilities and debts.

Reason 4: You need to know if you and/or your children need Maintenance

Maintenance refers to financial support after a marriage has ended.

Children

By law, both parents are required to maintain their children till the age of 21 years. Maintenance includes examples such as, providing your child with accommodation, food, clothing and education. Not only can the provision of the above be considered maintenance, but also, if you pay the costs of them.

Ex-wives

For ex-wives, the rationale of maintenance is to even out any financial inequalities between spouses, taking into consideration any economic prejudice the wife may have suffered during the marriage.

For example,

When the wife is a homemaker and therefore does not have an income. However, she spends her days taking care of the children.

Incapacitated Husbands

For incapacitated husbands, the court is generally slow to grant maintenance unless it can be shown that the husband is mentally or physically incapacitated, unable to maintain himself and continues to be unable to maintain himself.

For example,

Where a husband met with an accident and is no longer able to work. His wife then spends her days supporting him.

When considering maintenance, the Court will consider all the facts of the case, including, but not limited to the financial needs of the children, the contributions of each spouse and the capabilities of each spouse.

For example,

Based on receipts, your child’s maintenance is S$1,000.00 per month. The Court will consider how much you and your spouse have been contributing towards the S$1,000.00. The Court will also consider your earning capacity. From there, the Court will direct a percentage that each parent needs to contribute towards the S$1,000.00.

To learn more about custody, maintenance, and the division of both matrimonial home and division of assets, we discuss all about this topic in our Ancillary Matters article here.

Reason 5: You need to know that the end of a marriage can be resolved amicably

Many often think that divorce is highly contentious. That is far from the truth. Divorce can always be resolved amicably.

Mediation and Counselling

Prior to divorce, couples can always consider counselling or mediation in order to resolve all the issues amicably. If they are able to come to an agreement on all issues, they may avail themselves to the Simplified Uncontested Divorce route which is cheaper and quicker.

If couples are unable to agree on anything relating to the divorce, the divorce will proceed on a contested basis. Even so, the Family Court adopts a judge-led approach which often encourages mediation and counselling, so please be prepared to attend mediation and counselling sessions when you commence divorce proceedings.

Mediation is usually scheduled by the Court before a Mediator where both you and your spouse can hash out the disagreements. The aim is to try and find a middle ground with the help of legal advice. The Court will also arrange for counselling to try and determine what both of you want before filing the necessary divorce papers.

Both mediation and counselling sessions provided by the Court are free of charge.

This encourages both sides to come to an amicable solution on all matters. It also encourages parties to communicate effectively, especially when children are involved.

Conclusion

There are no winners and losers in a Divorce. The Court encourages parties to try to resolve an already sensitive and emotionally charged issue in the most amicable manner so that the transition can be as painless as possible. Of course, the children’s best interests are of the utmost importance.

Bear in mind that spouses may opt for an Simplified Uncontested Divorce instead. This process, which requires mutual agreement on key issues, offers a quicker, less stressful, and more cost-effective alternative to contested divorces, benefiting both parties with a quicker resolution and reduced conflict.

Need Help?

Still unsure on what you should know before you get a Divorce?

Our team at GuardianLaw is here to assist you.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What are the Legal Grounds for Divorce in Singapore?

The legal grounds for divorce in Singapore are adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion for a continuous period of at least 2 years, separation for a continuous period of at least 3 years with the spouse's consent, or separation for a continuous period of at least 4 years without the spouse's consent.